Mean Mary

She was looking for a man to take away her sad
When Mr. awesomely perfect and maximally bad
Walked her way—and she blinked

With an engaging smile and “Excuse me, ma’am,
But did you happen to notice what a catch I am?”
She heard him say—and he winked

Was she really thrilled, was that a blush?
Could he become her major crush?
His ego stirred—a lot

It might sound just a little bit sappy
But women are here to make men happy
So he’d heard—and so he thought

CHORUS

There are many, many kinds of sad
And some of them really aren’t so bad
So let being lonely become your jam
Or Sister … you might find a Mr. What A Catch I Am

No abracadabra, no alakazam
No magic words needed, no sir, no ma’am
No poof, hocus pocus, not even shazam
No illusions, no wires, no hidden cam
No hypnosis, psychosis, and no epigram
Just “Did you happen to notice what a catch I am!”

He was a stud, on that she could bet
He was like a mid-life crisis Corvette
With no money down—or taxes to Sam

She looked him over, somewhat impressed
From his coiffured hair to his puffed-out chest
He’d win the triple crown—of Virginia Ham

CHORUS

There are many, many kinds of sad
And some of them really, really aren’t that bad
So trust me, let lonely become your jam
Or Sister … you might find a Mr. What A Catch I Am

music and lyrics by Mary James & Jean James